Thursday, October 11, 2012

Life Matters: Pornography and Our Call to Love



This is part three of four articles which we will highlight each week of October to help us reflect on the many life issues faced by our community. It is summarized, edited, and reprinted, here in the weekly Forum. The four articles are "Life Matters:" 1.) Doctor-Assisted Death by Suicide   2.) Responding to Unplanned Pregnancy   3.) Pornography and Our Call to Love;  4.) Call to Greatness.   For the full text of this article & other resources please see the web site of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops:  www.usccb.org/about/pro-life-activities/respect-life-program/

Life Matters: Pornography and Our Call to Love
(For the St. Francis Forum COVEROctober 28, 2012)
We are created with a desire to love and be loved. Pornography, in contrast, distracts us from our call to love. When we are preoccupied with pornography, our mind and heart easily lose sight of what holds real value, including those who are close to us. Instead, we start to view others through a lens of self-gratification.
No one intends to trade his or her need for real love for a cheap thrill. That need subtly slips away as one becomes distracted and disconnected from self, others, and the reality that one’s mind and heart are changing. Pornography is believed to function like a “drug” that stimulates the brain. Internet pornography has characteristics very similar to those associated with Internet gaming addiction.
Impact on Youth
Young people are particularly vulnerable to exposure to pornography. Teenagers are influenced by online pornography at a time in their lives when they need healthy messages about human sexuality and the body. Teens experience a heightened awareness of their bodies as they grapple with their sexual desires and the importance of their peer relationships. Teens often introduce each other to sexual images in a social context. A teen’s initial encounter with pornography is often unwelcome, but boys are more likely to later seek it out.
Pornography is not a normal part of healthy exploration; it creates a fantasy world without the risks that exist in real relationships. It can often create a sense of shame that youth connect to their sexuality.
Emotional Impact of Addiction
People who grew up in a family that was emotionally disengaged can use pornography to feel connected and close, at least on their own terms. It can also become a “solution” to dealing with stress by seeking comfort. Yet what we seek to achieve from pornography in the form of control ends up controlling and enslaving us. As pornography use continues, individuals rob themselves more and more of the opportunities to learn from difficulties and to grow in character. This cycle is reinforced by shame. Many make comparisons of themselves to others (“I must somehow be lacking”) and therefore remove themselves from relying on God and others for support.
The Spiritual Impact of Pornography
All addictions, and in particular pornography, affect our relationship with God, a relationship that rests largely on the development of trust and obedience in childhood. In the place of trusting real affirming love, pornography creates a dependence on itself for satisfaction.
Fathers need to guard their own purity. If men are living purely they will be more apt to guide their families and take measures to protect their children from the influences of various media.
Our Sexual Integrity
We are created with a basic integrity, or connection, between our mind, body, and spirit. Pornography completely distorts this meaning. It says that fantasy will make us happy. But the gift of sexuality is meant to free us in a lifelong relationship of complete giving to another. The commitment and mutual respect within marriage truly foster this freedom. It is the only context in which the expression of our sexuality can be a source of peace and joy in our lives.
 Daniel Spadaro, a licensed professional counselor and certified sex addiction therapist, is founder of Imago Dei Counseling in Colorado Springs. He is a regular columnist for the Colorado Catholic Herald. Parishioner Paul Schwankl condensed this article. For the full text of all four articles and other resources please see the website of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops: www.usccb.org/about/pro-life-activities/respect-life-program/.

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